It doesn't matter how old you are...

You could really put anything into the end of that sentence and have it make sense. There are limitless possibilities! But I'm going to choose to end it like so;

It doesn't matter how old you are because you're never too old to have an accident.

Here is my story.

Traveled up to Washington to visit my bro for the weekend. The car ride is anywhere from 2 1/2 to 3 1/2 hours depending on how many idiots are surrounding you at any given time on the freeway. On car trips I go prepared. I have small children. I limit snacks and fluid intake as to discourage any urgent bathroom breaks. I even travel with our training 'little potty' - which is firmly placed inbetween the seats for the duration of the trip. I inform the kids that I am not "stopping." If you need to go, you'll calmly get out of your seatbelt, and you will carefully use the potty to ensure no spillage. No, I am not above the occasional breaking of the law for my convienence. If the kids have to go, they have to go, and I don't have the time (or patience really) to stop.

This time it wasn't the kids who demanded a nasty gas station bathroom. It was me.

Speeding down the freeway I started getting the strangest stomach pain. A cramp. A psuedo contraction. WTF? I already went #2 this morning... I eat well. I get enough fruits and vegetables... I have been only drinking water.... They came and went for about 15 minutes. I passed several exits contemplating whether or not I should pull over and sit on the toilet. The thought of taking all the kids with me into the bathroom was enough to change my mind and I decided to tough it out. Wrong.

It hit me like the BO of an old man to an unsuspecting nose. This. Was. An. Emergency. I started to sing to myself a little and chant 'oh gosh oh gosh oooh gosh' over and over while I searched frantically for an exit off the freeway. I had the picture of my son in my head who puts his fork down at the dinner table and suddenly displays a look of terror on his face as he whines "I have to go poop I have to go pooooop." I always look at him and think 'why the hysteria?' Understood. I honestly had the fleeting thought that if I could just reach that little potty and somehow fashion it underneath me while driving I would do it.... I was desperate. I literally used every muscle in my body to hold it in. It was coming whether I liked it or not and I had to get to a bathroom now. Thankfully I saw an exit coming that had a gas station. I raced towards the exit probably reaching speeds of 90 miles an hour. I thought that if a police officer tries to pull me over I won't stop. I'll yell out the window "I have to POOP!!!" as I get out of the car racing towards the bathroom. I'll take the ticket. Gladly. I pulled into the gas station and yanked the kids out of their car seats running to the bathroom. I probably looked like such an ass. Luckily no key was required and it wasn't occupied. Two miracles in my favor today.

Bathroom. Success. Everything came out okay. I may have soiled my chones a little - but that is okay. Accidents happen right?