Getting older is so surreal. There are so many joyous reminders tucked into each little crumbly bite of life. Holidays. Birthdays. Getting carded with a raised brow. Not getting carded at all. Playing a sport you used to be good at... then realizing it was a horrible mistake. (Or embarrassing at the very least).

I feel alikened to a zombie today. I got home from work and then my mind went blank. "What are you going? Who are you doing?" Heh. Heh. Heh. I sat for awhile. I sat and stared at the stains on our ugly cream colored wannabe carpet... or maybe I glared for awhile... What is my problem? Who knows? My knees hurt, they're aching from standing. Really? Add it to the list. Right?

Having a hard time lately. Feeling glum. Feeling old. Feeling like the time is ticking to do something important enough to report as a 'win' for the home team. In reality I have accomplished more than enough to the average eye. I've done time in the military. I'm a mom to four children, three of them my own. But I still wait. I listen intently. I wonder all kinds of 'what ifs'. I want to feel important. I want to feel young... but not overwhelmingly so. I want to be successful. I want to have it all.

Am I an overachiever?

I want to live in a parallel universe like the cast of LOST. I want to have my cake and eat it too. Who says dreams die young?