random thoughts... this is how my brain works

Follow a train of thought with me for a moment...

(Driving down the road.)

Look at that guy riding that bike... Those shorts have to be uncomfortable... how do guys ride bikes with a little seat like that? How does that not affect his balls?

I wish I had more time to leisurely ride my bike to and from things...

Wow my eyebrows need to be plucked.

Why am I constantly subjected to listening to Lady-Ga-Ga? "rah rah rom mamama oohh la la lahhh dduuhhh duhh... bad ro-mance...."

(Reading a text)

Wes: something something (I can't remember what because all I saw were the following words) 'negative nancy'

This turns me in from slightly bemused by my surroundings to totally irritated. Explain why me having an opinion that negates his makes me Negative Nancy? Would he appreciate me calling him Delusional Dave? Or how about Prideful Peter? Childish Charlie? Lazy Luke? Shortcut Shaun? Hmmm something tells me those would all offend him equally and the same. Which brings me to my next point -

I am totally within my rights to share an opinion that differs from any ones else's that shows more wisdom, sheds light, or encompasses the pros and cons of any situation. OR if at (very) least - I like to simply put my own spin on any scenario WITHOUT being called negative. Since when did 'opinionated' become 'negative'? I am not and have never been a bumbling idiot taking orders without asking questions. Dammit! That's who I am! I came into this world asking questions!

Wow look at all those baby cows to the left! I wish Iiiii had a farm with baby cows. There is nothing cuter than baby farm animals.

Maybe I should get a calendar with baby farm animals they sell those don't they? That would make me happy.

Lol...

Pep Talks

Lately I have been giving myself a lot of pep talks.

(AM)

Okay face look alive people! Look alive! Straighten those fine lines. Try not to be so damn saggy what am I? Chopped liver?

(late AM)

I can do anything with the amount of caffeine I've consumed yet... or with at least a litte more.......

(PM)

YOU CAN get through your day without being annoyed with your children..... well, (pause for effect) at least some people can..........

(late PM)

Only a few more hours before bedtime... and a few glasses of wine.... :)

My metabolism has hit a brick wall lately. Or at least it feels as such. I think if I only ate what I was hungry for I'd probably eat somewhere around 900 calories a day. I probably eat twice that, at very least, and I struggle to find the energy and time to exercise. I used to fantasize about how I looked in highschool - and wished I looked that way again until recently when I stumbled on some old videos of me in highschool - which brings me to my next point.

What the freaking hell.

I was quite the foo-foo. Totally chubby. I wonder how - during my highschool years - did I miss out on that? How did I look at myself then which such endearing optimism when as of late I can hardly scrounge out the words to say "yeah I look pretty good?" Now I cringe at the thought of what everyone must've really thought, behind my back at least, or scribbled on bathroom walls... (funny how none of that matters now of course...) However, somewhere somehow everyone still cares about their 'high school persona.' And then I figure at least I can look forward to my high school reunion. At least I won't be the 'one who got fat' right? At least I can look forward to hearing a hundred times.... "Wow (in a really boid voice) you look REALLY good for having THREE kids!"

@*#$&*%#**!!!!!!!

The First... duh duh duhhhhhhhhhhh

Okay -

So I'm trying this. And its mainly for you Desiree... because I honestly don't know what other person in this world would be attall interested in reading my random thoughts. (Not that you're interested but...

Right now I'm annoyed. AS US-UA-L... I bet you can't imagine that?

I dislike indirect people. I hate indirect comments... everyone does it too - and women are notorious for passive agressiveness or being 'vague.' I see this at work all the time - working with other various ages of women - and I begin to wonder if my personal 'sifter' is broken. You know the one... the tool that prevents you from belching out any comment that comes to your mind like - "your breath stinks" or "you should never wear that tie ever again" or "you are probably one of the ugliest people i have ever seen and its almost offensive."

Which brings me to my previous point... how is it that women and people in general have such a problem with being indirect when I struggle with saying exactly whats on my mind? I don't understand it... I'm rude. Sure. Sometimes. Overall I say exactly what people want me to say - and I say it nicely.

Them : "Isn't she the cutest little girl you've ever seen?"

Me: "Yes. She is adorable."

But what I really think is...

Me: "Not really... Her eyes are far apart and she looks like a monkey with all that hair..."

But... haha... I plead the 5th.